Should we Divorce?

Should we Divorce?

Berikut ini sebuah kisah menarik (saya sengaja biarkan dalam edisi aslinya bahasa Inggris) yang dikirimkan ke email saya dari Blog Renungan Harian.
Semoga memberi inspirasi dan meneguhkan kita....bagi para imam/biarawan semoga dapat menjadi salah satu contoh dalam berkhotbah atau pendampingan.

Very inspiring...try to read this up to the last paragraph...To All Married Couples and Singles Who Intend To Get Married.


When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly.

Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to a lovely girl called Dew. I did'nt love her anymore.I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which statedthat she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I did'nt have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a months time and she did'nt want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realised she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me. She had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I had'nt noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished. Then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realise that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property , the money in the bank, blah..blah..blah. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you, but if you do, you just might save a marriage.

Pesan Ispiratif:
Satu hal (dari banyak hal) yang bisa dipetik dari kisah ini: intimitas dengan pasangan dapat terjadi melalui hal-hal sederhana dan biasa yang kita jalankan bersama setiap hari dengan sepenuh hati dan kejujuran. Bisa jadi hal-hal sederhana itulah yang telah mempertemukan dan mendorong kita berani untuk menikahi dan hidup bersama dengan seseorang seumur hidup.

MELIHAT DAN MEMANDANG

MELIHAT DAN MEMANDANG

Sebuah percikan permenungan dari utak-atik kata dan bahasa.yang mengusik saya di sela-sela kerja.

Dalam bahasa Perancis kata melihat dan memandang/ memperhatikan dipisahkan secara jelas dalam kata voir dan regarder. Memang sepintas kata voir dan regarder ini sama artinya, karena sama-sama menggunakan aktivitas mata. Namun ada nuansa yang sangat berbeda dari kedua kata itu. Kita bisa melihat banyak hal dalam sekali sapuan mata, tetapi kita tidak bisa memperhatikan sesuatu secara jelas dan fokus. Memperhatikan butuh “berhenti sejenak” pada suatu objek. Sedangkan melihat dapat terjadi sambil lalu saja. Atau dalam bahasa Inggris kita kenal kata see (melihat) dan look at (memandang, memperhatikan). Kata see me (lihatlah saya) akan terasa “ngambang” jika dibandingkan dengan look at me (pandanglah saya). Melihat dan memandang meski bermakna sama, memiliki nuansa yang berbeda. Regarde moi, look at me (pandanglah saya) terasa lebih familiar dan intim/personal, sedangkan see dan voir terkesan agak asing dan tidak personal.

Hal yang sama dapat kita berlakukan untuk diri kita. Ketika saya berkata, “saya melihat diri saya di cermin” akan berbeda nuansa dan maknanya dengan “saya memandang, memperhatikan diri saya di cermin.” Menurut saya, melihat dapat terjadi secara global terhadap diri, sedangkan memperhatikan, saya berusaha sedetail mungkin menelusuri diri saya dari ujung rambut sampai ujung kaki. Memperhatikan diri berarti kita memperlakukan bagian-bagian tubuh kita secara personal dan intim.

Dalam pengolahan rohani (bagi yang pernah dibina dan membina diri dalam panggilan religius tentu sudah terbiasa) menurut saya, voir atau regarder ikut menentukan cara kita memperlakukan diri. Regarder selalu bernuansa lebih intim dan personal, maka kebiasaan untuk memandang diri secara positif (detail-detail diri) akan membantu kita untuk memandang dunia dan sesama. Bila kita menuntut orang untuk regarde moi avec ton amour (perhatikan saya dengan cintamu) maka kita tentu akan memberikan cinta sebelum kita meminta: J’ai vous donne mon amour (saya telah memberikan cintaku kepadamu).

Sebagai ilustrasi meski tidak benar-benar “ngeh” alias cocok, kisah baut yang kecil ini bisa menginspirasi kita.

Sebuah baut kecil bersama ribuan baut seukurannya dipasang untuk menahan lempengan-lempengan baja di lambung sebuah kapal besar. Saat melintasi samudera Hindia yang ganas, baut kecil itu terancam lepas. Hal itu membuat ribuan baut lain terancam lepas pula. Baut-baut kecil lain berteriak menguatkan, 'Awas! Berpeganglah erat-erat! Jika kamu lepas kami juga akan lepas!' Teriakan itu didengar oleh lempengan-lempengan baja yang membuat mereka menyerukan hal yang sama. Bahkan seluruh bagian kapal turut memberi dorongan semangat pada satu baut kecil itu untuk bertahan. Mereka mengingatkan bahwa baut kecil itu sangat penting bagi keselamatan kapal. Jika ia menyerah dan melepaskan pegangannya, seluruh isi kapal akan tenggelam. Dukungan itu membuat baut kecil kembali menemukan arti penting dirinya diantara komponen kapal lainnya. Dengan sekuat tenaga, ia pun berusaha tetap bertahan demi keselamatan seisi kapal. Penemuan diri yang dilakukan baut kecil terjadi setelah dia memandang, memperhatikan detail-detail dirinya secara positif. Bagaimana dengan kita???